Caesar's Fears

So far in Uganda, I have learned that my host father Caesar only fears five things.
1)Snakes
2)Crocodiles
3)Bees
4)Water (Victoria/Nile, not bottled)
5) Swings

Anyways, rafting on the Nile on Saturday was amazing. Beautiful and exhausting as well. I got some nice sunburn and tasted the most delicious pineapple I've ever had. Also, 0ur raft only flipped 2x during the 30 km journey through 12 large rapids.

Yesterday was my farewell dinner at Skills Plus. The other FSD interns were invited and we all were sporting our best "African" garb (yes, the Kanzu was worn). I was asked to give a speech, answered two questions by the chief financier (most annoying and most pleasurable experiences at Skills Plus), listened to many Ugandans talk, and ate very good Ugandan food.

The kind old lady who lives at the organization (85!) gave me a mat she had sewn personally by hand. People here are too kind.

In other news, while wearing the Kanzu i don't fear to move at night alone. People still stare, but it's more in awe. "Very smart" whispers and not whispers follow me as I footed around Bugembe in my Kanzu.

Additionally, I recently set minesweeper records at all levels on the new computer. My legacy at Skills Plus?

Witchdoctor session canceled. Otherwise things are moving. Don't know if I can update before leaving, but I will try. Expect an update once I safely (I hope) arrive back in the U.S.

Did you know "safari" means "journey" in Swahili? Well, my next safari begins Saturday. The days are moving...

Mormons in Uganda?

Yes, there are Mormons in Uganda. I learned this the first week after walking by their large and rather nice church in Jinja (It is still the only place I've seen in Uganda with a basketball court). However, other than a random run-in with a youth carry a "Book of Mormon" one almost forgot they are in Uganda. This contrast sharply with the "born agains" (evangelical Christians) who are growing rapidly and seem to be everywhere in Bugembe.

Anyways, the presence of the Church of Latter Day Saints in Uganda became much more important this week when Skills Plus learned that the Church's Humanitarian Services are contributing over 5.5 million Ushs (over $3,000 USD) to support Skills Plus' tailoring program. Shit, I'm impressed.

On the ground, power is back, but still horrible. It returned Wednesday, promptly stopped working most of Thursday, returned Friday, ran away for 5 hours, and then returned just before the end of the day. I still can't decide whether it's better to know you aren't going to have power and deal with it (July 15-August 5) or to think you're going to have power all day and only have it for 3 hours...

Also, I've learned that my host mother, Lydia, hasn't received a full paycheck since last October. She works at a local private school and apparently the directors of the school just take money from the school to suite their own purposes. Naturally funds run short and the staff get shafted. And apparently the job market in Uganda is so bad that the teachers can't just leave because there are no other jobs to find. Lydia also described how she had applied for a job in Kampala a few years ago, made it through 3 rounds of interviews and was told she had the job - as long as she was willing to "act like a Ugandan" (Lydia's words, not mine) and give the interviewer 2.7 million Ushs. She didn't have the money and the man decided to rip up here employment letter - no job. This is absurd. How are people here not angrier?

More News?

So, my flash drive (jumpdrive? What is the proper name of this thing?) picked up several Ugandan viruses. They have been taken care of (I hope) but the culprit is still at large and maurading.

Also, my boss sent me a pineapple gift through facebook. Ah technology.

I started War and Peace yesterday. 73 pages in. 1300 to go.

More Witchcraft stories:
-I heard one about Kenyan Ghost women who like to trick and seduce Ugandan Males.
-Another one was about a cursed pineapple that talked and caused sickness when people looked at it.
-In both stories, the storyteller assured me, "I was a witness".
-This statement reminded me of LBJ, "We are all witnesses".

On Sunday, I made a visit to the palace of the Chappazinga (Busoga King). Kind of deserted and eerie. I ducked under a gate and roamed about the place. Pretty sweet but it looked more like ruins than a palace under construction (I think building has been delayed several years, maybe decades?)

Also, the other day a man asked me if I had a girlfriend (unusual question, usually only old women ask this) and then told me that when I return to Uganda I need to receive a village welcome. He then proceeded to describe how in a village welcome they would take all the virgins from the village and offer the visitor his choice from the lot. I'm still unsure whether this was a historical description or an offer for the future...

Finally, I was complimented on my shoes today. Told they make the dust look like polish. Then the woman told me to shave.

Pool Update:
Wednesday was 3W, 1L. Thursday was 1 L. Friday? We'll see in a few minutes...

Schedule of Events:
Saturday is rafting on the Nile (Bilharzia anyone?). Monday is my farewell dinner at Skills Plus (Kanzu!). Tuesday, a learning session with a witch doctor (how does everyone here believe this?). Thursday, a farewell dinner with all the host parents and FSD interns (repeat of the Masala fries!). And Saturday is the beginning of my fun fun journey back to the U.S. (55 hours!)

Sula Bulungi!

Jesus Whispers

The title of this post was supposed to be, "Kampala, Kampala, Kampala" (A testament to the many taxi drivers yelling at me during my first 7 weeks). However, circumstances change and I am forced to adapt.

It started when I wore a Kanzu maybe 3 weeks ago. Apparently while wearing this (without the necessary coat) I look like what Ugandans think of when they think of Jesus. Then later I showed pictures of me in a Kanzu to my host family and they confirmed these suspicions.

A few weeks passed, there were no further comments and I felt like the 'fad' had passed. However, last Friday I was walking by a nearby school and passed 5 kids on the road. Rather than chanting Mzungu as I pass (which would be normal) I instead hear rapid whispers about a "Jesus" looking figure passing them. Trying not to smirk I continued walking.

Now while it was pretty funny in the moment, in retrospect I have mixed feelings. The fact that many Ugandans' conception of the son of God as a White American (with a beard) of British and German heritage is slightly bothersome.

So anyways, Kampala. I stayed in a tent at a nice little place titled the "Red Chili Hideaway". It had some sweet pictures of some 20 types of chili peppers, but no salsa. A pity.

The gates for the Wyclef Jean concert opened at 6:00 and we went in around 7:30. Before entering, we (I was with 4 other FSD interns) explored some of Kampala (boda boda rides in Kampala are a mixture of terrifying nightmares and joyful bliss) and found a surprisingly wealthy complex near the concert, called Lugogo Square. It would fit right into any major U.S. city, whether it be in Ohio or California. Nice restaurants, a real supermarket (the only one I've seen in Uganda), and a neat little coffee shop. I even saw some Mercedes-Benz and BMWs in the parking lot. I guess there ARE some pretty wealthy Ugandans.

The cell phone company "Zain" sponsored the concert and thus, from 7:30 until 11 we had the joy of watching one long Zain commercial, with short music interludes. During these breaks, music was played from speakers or local music artists yelled about things. In the meantime we got to watch Zain and Celtel (the phone company Zain just bought) commercials, hear their spokesmen (and women) speak, and watch satellite videos of Zain events in 14 African countries. Did I mention I got a "free" Zain T-shirt!

Anyways, the first artist listed (DJ Benny D) started at 11. He wasn't bad but he was too obsessed with fire (he kept using a lighter and some kind of aerosol can to spay flames...I felt like I was 14 again). Wyclef began around 12:30 AM. He was good though he definitely ran around way too much without a shirt and with his pants falling down. Things ended about 2 AM, making for a pretty good concert.

I also had the lovely experience of having my butt touched (discretely of course) the entire night by hopeful pickpockets searching for a wallet. One little man was bold enough (i think he thought I was distracted?) to try to reach into one of my front pockets. I quickly told him no no no this wasn't going to happen (he was perhaps 12 inches shorter than me so it wasn't too difficult. He left quickly). I also got to see 4-5 fights (between Ugandans) almost break out. Apparently it wasn't only Mzungus targeted and Ugandans don't like it when people try to steal from them...

Saturday we met up for lunch with Jenna and Robby (ND person i just met...We invade this country). Indian food was good, but Taj in SB is better.

Overall, I really enjoyed my visit and am glad I went. But I'm also very glad I don't live there. It's no Columbus. Kampala is overcrowded, dirty, hectic, and the inequality is breathtaking. Lugogo Square (as nice as many places in the U.S.) is only a few km from some of the worst slums. Hard to see. Would be hard to live there.

Pictures! but download time is very very slow. Here is Jon in a full Kanzu (non Jesus):


Here is Jesus? Thoughts?




Peace.

"Viagara Kills People"

The things I learn in Uganda...

Apparently, this actually does happen especially when one of three (maybe more) things occur. A, you overdose by taking 4-5 pills when (I believe) 1 usually suffices. B, you don't need it but you take it anyways (usually in large quantities). Or C, you get viagara from the shady cousin of your best friend's brother and it happens to be laced with unsavory (and sometimes toxic) chemicals. Basically, viagara can be a life or death decision here in Uganda.

Other news, don't be gay in Uganda (or Africa in general) because you just might get killed. The whole country treats the issue with such irrationality that they make Pat Robertson seem like Gary Kasparov (Dad? Does this analogy work?).

In case you didn't pick up on it, the other day I had a very long conversation (fascinating at times and deeply frightening at others) about domestic violence (the scary quote on yesterday's blog) , sex, homosexuality, demons/possession, and gender roles in society (both in the U.S. and Uganda). It was about 3 hours long and would have been even longer but lunch came and silenced us.

Anyways, some more Ugandan English. (Breakfast) Rolls are called "scones" here. I'm still trying to find scones to see what they are called. Also to "beep" someone is to call their cell phone but hang up before they answer. Nearly everyone here has a pay-as-you-go phone and so when a person is short on airtime but needs to talk to someone they will "beep" them, hoping that they will call them back. The reason for this is that incoming calls are often inexpensive or free.

More Random Notes: There is a growing list of misperceptions about the U.S. and myself that I have combated during my stay in Uganda. These include questions and statements like:

"Have you ever seen matches before?"
"Have you ever walked this much?" (asked after we had been walking for 15 minutes. They didn't believe me when I said one time I'd walked 20 miles in one day )
"Have you seen an ax before?" (They didn't believe me when I responded that I knew how to use one.)
"You know about the Green Men, right?"
"You know that AIDs was originally a U.S. military biological weapons project intended to suppress people of other countries, right?"
"People in the U.S. prefer [to have sex with] dogs, right?"
"If the U.S. stopped importing or producing crude oil, the government has enough crude oil reserves to last the country 10 years." (The real answer I believe is less that a month. I haven't had the chance to check online, but I would bet my life it's not a year, much less 10. The man still refuses to believe me)

Sorry. Most of these questions are amusing but not bothersome. I know people in the U.S. (myself included) have warped visions of life in Africa, so it is only natural that it works the other way. The only time I get bothered is when university educated people misconstrue things (aka Green Men/ U.S. military and AIDs) and refuse to believe anything I say in response.

Finally, I'm going to Kampala tomorrow to visit the city (my first time!) and to go to the Wyclef Jean concert (in Uganda? Craziness). Also, the following weekend (August 9th) is rafting on the Nile! Then, the 16th I get to visit the southern hemisphere for the first time and begin my 55 hour journey back to beautiful Columbus, Ohio.

It all goes quickly. Or as they say here in Uganda, "the days are running".

31 Cent Beer?

So this past week I heard all about the Agricultural Show taking place in Jinja and on Saturday I got to see it for myself. The verdict? It's pretty much like a county fair, though not as much popcorn. There was cotton candy, creepy old men, a large (and scary looking) swing ride, loud music, and cheap beer. 500 Ush Beer is hard to beat (500 Ush = about 31 cents). There was also some Guinness (WTF?), so I felt compelled to try. Poor choice. Apparently Guinness in Uganda is a bit different from that in the U.S.

Another highlight of the show was that while waiting to hear the Ugandan musician "Chameleon", I got to see a Ugandan of Indian descent (my term) do a Michael Jackson imitation on stage. Apparently this is common in Uganda? And the guy doing the dancing is supposedly really well known? This country never ceases to amaze me.

Pool Update: Things have improved. I corrected my mini slump (4 days, 4 losses) and won 3, lost 2 on Friday. Then on Monday I won 2 and lost 1. Lately, I've been pretty busy and haven't been able to go everyday. A shame really.

Other things I've learned/observed:

Getting on the wrong bus just means that you get an hour and half tour of a random, remote village before returning to town (all for only 800 Ush!)

It is normal for Ugandans to have 2-3 (sometimes 5!) minute conversations at a distance of 40-60 feet. Somehow they can all hear and understand each other. Its common for staff of Skills Plus to hold conversations with people walking along the road while practically inside our building. Maybe its the language? Somehow, i don't think this would work as well with English...

Also, Ugandan Gender Relations have a very long way to go. Someone (a male Ugandan) tried to describe to me how in the villages, "sometimes the woman wanted to be beaten".

And people here can be very superstitious. A man told me today all about the reality of demons and possession.

Success! I helped Caesar get an email address. Will facebook be next?

My organization is having a farewell dinner for me. Yesterday, we went to reserve the hen we are going to slaughter for the occasion. Joyful.

Finally, when trying to find a boda boda late at night, just look for the bike with the smallest driver.

Peace.

Of Questions and Quotations

I realize that I have been writing a lot this week, but bare with me. Power has been out at work for the last 11 days (since July 14) so I have lots of time for thinking and observing.

Noteworthy (in)sights of the week:

Watching one of the Ugandans I work with (the green man guy) dilligently pouring bottled water into a legit and nice wine glass, sipping it ever so slowly. Somehow this sight made me look away rather quickly, trying not to laugh.

I had some very very good fish: Talaipia. It's from both the Nile and Lake Victoria and despite the bones it is delicious. Much better than the endlessly chewy chicken, beef, or goat.

I noticed that when the moon is full I don't step in as much mud and animal feces during my foot home at night (usually i can hardly see Caesar next to me much less the road. And because cows graze along the path every day I'm sure you can guess what I step in...)

I watched my supervisor start a riot to protect the dirt road leading to Skills Plus. The events were the following:

-Hakim (my supervisor) notices a man across the road digging what appear to be large holes in the road.

-He walks over and asks the man what he is doing. He shows Hakim a letter from the Busoga Kingdom that gives him the right to construct a parking lot in the area in front of the nearby stadium . The man has decided to cut the perhaps 20 foot wide dirt road (cars do use it daily) into a 4 foot walking path with his fence.

-Hakim walks a bit away and begins calling members of the Bugembe community

-Over 30 people show up in a matter of 20 minutes. They start yelling angrily at the man and obstructing his work.

-Hakim then calls the local radio station and says there is a large group of people who are very angry, threatening a man nearby the stadium. The radio car shows up 10 minutes later.

Hakim then calls the member of parliament for the area (the energy minister of Uganda) and says that there is a large group of angry people who are threatening a man who is trying to destroy a public road.

tThe MP happens to be in Jinja (he lives in Kampala but there is an Agricultural Show this week in Jinja. I'm going on Saturday so expect notes next week) so he shows up 30 minutes later and ends the situation. He informs the man he cannot build the fence today.

-The crowd leaves, happy.

-Hakim explains to me what in the world I just watched happen. Remember, I don't speak Lusoga. So the entire time I had no idea what was happening except it was highly amusing.

More random facts:

Jonathan in Lusoga is Yona San. "Bitter" in Ugandan English means "spicy". Thursday I had some of the best "bitter" food I have had since London: Masala Fries, Indian style. Utterly Amazing. Also, I was mistaken for being 28 years old. I saw my first Nigerian horror film (it was awful. So bad it almost wasn't funny. At least bollywood films are amusing...).

Finally, someone tried a new style of awkward questioning: asking if I could set them up to marry my brother. It started with a vague question: could I set them up to marry an American from my home state? When this got nowhere (I tried to explain that I can't make someone love someone else) she began asking about my family, learned I had a brother, and then asked if he was single. Then the question. So Matt, any advice? Suggestions? Feedback?

I think I will go try to catch some pool. This week has been very bad (4 losses and no wins). It's time to stop joking around-less I start losing the little respect I earned.

Peace.

Source of the Nile?

Apparently there is some disagreement about the location of the "true" source of the Nile River. Uganda claims the source to be in Uganda (naturally), near the town of Jinja. However, Rwanda argues that because the source of Lake Victoria flows from several mountain rivers within Rwanda, that is where the "real" source lies. While this might seem like a silly squabble, it has real monetary implications. It is not only a matter of national pride but tourists pay big bucks to visit such sites. I think most (all) people I've talked with agree that Uganda is the "true source", but then again perhaps my sample is a bit biased...

In other news: The U.S. based organization (Foundation for Sustainable Development) through which my internship functions offers interns (me) the option to apply for a grant to help their host organization. I worked on my proposal the past few weeks and yesterday I learned that my grant was approved and FSD is going to fully fund my proposal. I'd never written a grant before so I was pretty pleased.

We're (Skills Plus and I) going to purchase a new (relatively) computer for their computer training program along with a UPS voltage protection device (electric current is sometimes crazy here and can fry computers). The computer will replace the one Skills Plus is currently renting (a not very good computer at 50,000 USHs per month. Not a lot in U.S. dollars, $31.25, but here it is significant). The rent money will then be allocated to helping support Skills Plus' tailoring program. FSD stresses sustainable development and I think my grant (there were other parts to my plan but its like 9 pages so...) accomplishes this.

More News: I learned the Busoga King (the Chappazinga) is building a palace nearby Caesar's house. Real Ugandan royalty! I've seen it from the dirty passenger window of a car, but I hope to do a walking tour before I leave. Oh right, in case you are not familiar with Uganda the Busoga are one of the many tribes here (Buganda, Busoga, Acholi, etc..)

I learned how to make chapati yesterday. It's really pretty easy. I wonder how it would taste with spicy hummus? Probably delicious.

More Ugandan English. To walk downhill is to "slope". Uphill is to "climb". To run along the side of the road is "road work". Food with any of the tea breaks is called "escort". Margarine is called "blue band" (the only brand in Uganda...Makes me think of Kleenex).

Yesterday I had a very long and interesting conversation (no power again) with one of the volunteers who was a former pilot and aeronautic engineer. We talked about "democracy" in Uganda, why Ugandans of Indian descent are not called Ugandans, why power is terrible here (he wants Uganda to build nuclear power plants), the effects of global warming and industrialization (his words...In my opinion Uganda is hardly industrialized) on Lake Victoria, and the absurd population growth in Uganda (half the country is younger than 15... the newspaper here said if the current growth rate continues the population is projected to be nearly 100 million by 2050).

My family was asking me about western music so I decided to let them listen to my Ipod shuffle. They loved the little device, especially my host brother, Steven. While I think he legitimately likes my music (he really liked the few Metallica songs I have), Caesar seems to enjoy more the act of using the Ipod rather than actually listening to the music. He had the headphones in for perhaps 15 minutes before I realized I hadn't shown him how to turn it on. I don't think he likes my music very much because he hasn't asked to listen since....