"Viagara Kills People"

The things I learn in Uganda...

Apparently, this actually does happen especially when one of three (maybe more) things occur. A, you overdose by taking 4-5 pills when (I believe) 1 usually suffices. B, you don't need it but you take it anyways (usually in large quantities). Or C, you get viagara from the shady cousin of your best friend's brother and it happens to be laced with unsavory (and sometimes toxic) chemicals. Basically, viagara can be a life or death decision here in Uganda.

Other news, don't be gay in Uganda (or Africa in general) because you just might get killed. The whole country treats the issue with such irrationality that they make Pat Robertson seem like Gary Kasparov (Dad? Does this analogy work?).

In case you didn't pick up on it, the other day I had a very long conversation (fascinating at times and deeply frightening at others) about domestic violence (the scary quote on yesterday's blog) , sex, homosexuality, demons/possession, and gender roles in society (both in the U.S. and Uganda). It was about 3 hours long and would have been even longer but lunch came and silenced us.

Anyways, some more Ugandan English. (Breakfast) Rolls are called "scones" here. I'm still trying to find scones to see what they are called. Also to "beep" someone is to call their cell phone but hang up before they answer. Nearly everyone here has a pay-as-you-go phone and so when a person is short on airtime but needs to talk to someone they will "beep" them, hoping that they will call them back. The reason for this is that incoming calls are often inexpensive or free.

More Random Notes: There is a growing list of misperceptions about the U.S. and myself that I have combated during my stay in Uganda. These include questions and statements like:

"Have you ever seen matches before?"
"Have you ever walked this much?" (asked after we had been walking for 15 minutes. They didn't believe me when I said one time I'd walked 20 miles in one day )
"Have you seen an ax before?" (They didn't believe me when I responded that I knew how to use one.)
"You know about the Green Men, right?"
"You know that AIDs was originally a U.S. military biological weapons project intended to suppress people of other countries, right?"
"People in the U.S. prefer [to have sex with] dogs, right?"
"If the U.S. stopped importing or producing crude oil, the government has enough crude oil reserves to last the country 10 years." (The real answer I believe is less that a month. I haven't had the chance to check online, but I would bet my life it's not a year, much less 10. The man still refuses to believe me)

Sorry. Most of these questions are amusing but not bothersome. I know people in the U.S. (myself included) have warped visions of life in Africa, so it is only natural that it works the other way. The only time I get bothered is when university educated people misconstrue things (aka Green Men/ U.S. military and AIDs) and refuse to believe anything I say in response.

Finally, I'm going to Kampala tomorrow to visit the city (my first time!) and to go to the Wyclef Jean concert (in Uganda? Craziness). Also, the following weekend (August 9th) is rafting on the Nile! Then, the 16th I get to visit the southern hemisphere for the first time and begin my 55 hour journey back to beautiful Columbus, Ohio.

It all goes quickly. Or as they say here in Uganda, "the days are running".

31 Cent Beer?

So this past week I heard all about the Agricultural Show taking place in Jinja and on Saturday I got to see it for myself. The verdict? It's pretty much like a county fair, though not as much popcorn. There was cotton candy, creepy old men, a large (and scary looking) swing ride, loud music, and cheap beer. 500 Ush Beer is hard to beat (500 Ush = about 31 cents). There was also some Guinness (WTF?), so I felt compelled to try. Poor choice. Apparently Guinness in Uganda is a bit different from that in the U.S.

Another highlight of the show was that while waiting to hear the Ugandan musician "Chameleon", I got to see a Ugandan of Indian descent (my term) do a Michael Jackson imitation on stage. Apparently this is common in Uganda? And the guy doing the dancing is supposedly really well known? This country never ceases to amaze me.

Pool Update: Things have improved. I corrected my mini slump (4 days, 4 losses) and won 3, lost 2 on Friday. Then on Monday I won 2 and lost 1. Lately, I've been pretty busy and haven't been able to go everyday. A shame really.

Other things I've learned/observed:

Getting on the wrong bus just means that you get an hour and half tour of a random, remote village before returning to town (all for only 800 Ush!)

It is normal for Ugandans to have 2-3 (sometimes 5!) minute conversations at a distance of 40-60 feet. Somehow they can all hear and understand each other. Its common for staff of Skills Plus to hold conversations with people walking along the road while practically inside our building. Maybe its the language? Somehow, i don't think this would work as well with English...

Also, Ugandan Gender Relations have a very long way to go. Someone (a male Ugandan) tried to describe to me how in the villages, "sometimes the woman wanted to be beaten".

And people here can be very superstitious. A man told me today all about the reality of demons and possession.

Success! I helped Caesar get an email address. Will facebook be next?

My organization is having a farewell dinner for me. Yesterday, we went to reserve the hen we are going to slaughter for the occasion. Joyful.

Finally, when trying to find a boda boda late at night, just look for the bike with the smallest driver.

Peace.

Of Questions and Quotations

I realize that I have been writing a lot this week, but bare with me. Power has been out at work for the last 11 days (since July 14) so I have lots of time for thinking and observing.

Noteworthy (in)sights of the week:

Watching one of the Ugandans I work with (the green man guy) dilligently pouring bottled water into a legit and nice wine glass, sipping it ever so slowly. Somehow this sight made me look away rather quickly, trying not to laugh.

I had some very very good fish: Talaipia. It's from both the Nile and Lake Victoria and despite the bones it is delicious. Much better than the endlessly chewy chicken, beef, or goat.

I noticed that when the moon is full I don't step in as much mud and animal feces during my foot home at night (usually i can hardly see Caesar next to me much less the road. And because cows graze along the path every day I'm sure you can guess what I step in...)

I watched my supervisor start a riot to protect the dirt road leading to Skills Plus. The events were the following:

-Hakim (my supervisor) notices a man across the road digging what appear to be large holes in the road.

-He walks over and asks the man what he is doing. He shows Hakim a letter from the Busoga Kingdom that gives him the right to construct a parking lot in the area in front of the nearby stadium . The man has decided to cut the perhaps 20 foot wide dirt road (cars do use it daily) into a 4 foot walking path with his fence.

-Hakim walks a bit away and begins calling members of the Bugembe community

-Over 30 people show up in a matter of 20 minutes. They start yelling angrily at the man and obstructing his work.

-Hakim then calls the local radio station and says there is a large group of people who are very angry, threatening a man nearby the stadium. The radio car shows up 10 minutes later.

Hakim then calls the member of parliament for the area (the energy minister of Uganda) and says that there is a large group of angry people who are threatening a man who is trying to destroy a public road.

tThe MP happens to be in Jinja (he lives in Kampala but there is an Agricultural Show this week in Jinja. I'm going on Saturday so expect notes next week) so he shows up 30 minutes later and ends the situation. He informs the man he cannot build the fence today.

-The crowd leaves, happy.

-Hakim explains to me what in the world I just watched happen. Remember, I don't speak Lusoga. So the entire time I had no idea what was happening except it was highly amusing.

More random facts:

Jonathan in Lusoga is Yona San. "Bitter" in Ugandan English means "spicy". Thursday I had some of the best "bitter" food I have had since London: Masala Fries, Indian style. Utterly Amazing. Also, I was mistaken for being 28 years old. I saw my first Nigerian horror film (it was awful. So bad it almost wasn't funny. At least bollywood films are amusing...).

Finally, someone tried a new style of awkward questioning: asking if I could set them up to marry my brother. It started with a vague question: could I set them up to marry an American from my home state? When this got nowhere (I tried to explain that I can't make someone love someone else) she began asking about my family, learned I had a brother, and then asked if he was single. Then the question. So Matt, any advice? Suggestions? Feedback?

I think I will go try to catch some pool. This week has been very bad (4 losses and no wins). It's time to stop joking around-less I start losing the little respect I earned.

Peace.

Source of the Nile?

Apparently there is some disagreement about the location of the "true" source of the Nile River. Uganda claims the source to be in Uganda (naturally), near the town of Jinja. However, Rwanda argues that because the source of Lake Victoria flows from several mountain rivers within Rwanda, that is where the "real" source lies. While this might seem like a silly squabble, it has real monetary implications. It is not only a matter of national pride but tourists pay big bucks to visit such sites. I think most (all) people I've talked with agree that Uganda is the "true source", but then again perhaps my sample is a bit biased...

In other news: The U.S. based organization (Foundation for Sustainable Development) through which my internship functions offers interns (me) the option to apply for a grant to help their host organization. I worked on my proposal the past few weeks and yesterday I learned that my grant was approved and FSD is going to fully fund my proposal. I'd never written a grant before so I was pretty pleased.

We're (Skills Plus and I) going to purchase a new (relatively) computer for their computer training program along with a UPS voltage protection device (electric current is sometimes crazy here and can fry computers). The computer will replace the one Skills Plus is currently renting (a not very good computer at 50,000 USHs per month. Not a lot in U.S. dollars, $31.25, but here it is significant). The rent money will then be allocated to helping support Skills Plus' tailoring program. FSD stresses sustainable development and I think my grant (there were other parts to my plan but its like 9 pages so...) accomplishes this.

More News: I learned the Busoga King (the Chappazinga) is building a palace nearby Caesar's house. Real Ugandan royalty! I've seen it from the dirty passenger window of a car, but I hope to do a walking tour before I leave. Oh right, in case you are not familiar with Uganda the Busoga are one of the many tribes here (Buganda, Busoga, Acholi, etc..)

I learned how to make chapati yesterday. It's really pretty easy. I wonder how it would taste with spicy hummus? Probably delicious.

More Ugandan English. To walk downhill is to "slope". Uphill is to "climb". To run along the side of the road is "road work". Food with any of the tea breaks is called "escort". Margarine is called "blue band" (the only brand in Uganda...Makes me think of Kleenex).

Yesterday I had a very long and interesting conversation (no power again) with one of the volunteers who was a former pilot and aeronautic engineer. We talked about "democracy" in Uganda, why Ugandans of Indian descent are not called Ugandans, why power is terrible here (he wants Uganda to build nuclear power plants), the effects of global warming and industrialization (his words...In my opinion Uganda is hardly industrialized) on Lake Victoria, and the absurd population growth in Uganda (half the country is younger than 15... the newspaper here said if the current growth rate continues the population is projected to be nearly 100 million by 2050).

My family was asking me about western music so I decided to let them listen to my Ipod shuffle. They loved the little device, especially my host brother, Steven. While I think he legitimately likes my music (he really liked the few Metallica songs I have), Caesar seems to enjoy more the act of using the Ipod rather than actually listening to the music. He had the headphones in for perhaps 15 minutes before I realized I hadn't shown him how to turn it on. I don't think he likes my music very much because he hasn't asked to listen since....

Ugandan Environmentalism?

In Bugembe, roaming animals are a part of life and something you see every day. Herds of cattle, flocks(?) of chickens, and goats tethered to the roadside fill the landscape. People will often let their cows and chickens roam the neighborhood during the day, trusting them to return to their rightful home by nightfall. The first week I didn't quite understand this (silly Mzungu I am) and thought that Caesar owned chickens because there were several families of chickens meandering through our yards and trying (unsuccessfully) to enter the house. I eventually realized that their home was just down the road and they were only searching for a tasty snack. It really gives a new meaning to the term "free range".

Skills Plus also enjoys the company of numerous chickens that seem to enjoy the delicacies of its compound. The chickens are there practically each day but it is a special day when some of the local cattle pay a visit. They not only add to the scenery but they usually mow the lawn pretty effectively.

These seem pretty "environment friendly" but overall I don't think environmentalism has hit Uganda (does this really surprise anyone?). I think it's hard for people to be overly concerned about damaging the environment (it's difficult to see short term effects) when people are overwhelmed by the poverty and disease before your very eyes. Ugandans seem very comfortable with dumping trash anywhere (no hesitation tossing bottles outside of a taxi window or dumping trash at very beautiful waterfalls) and seem happy to burn the trash they do collect. I don't mind tossing banana peels or corn cobs into a field because they decompose relatively quickly. But plastic bottles? I do my best not to "integrate" too much into the local practices but sometimes things are outside my control.

This past weekend I went on a trip with the other FSD interns and staff to the east, to Sippi Falls, which is maybe 50 or 60 km from the Kenyan border. It was beautiful, relaxing, and I found my first salsa in Uganda!

The verdict? Honestly, it was good but a bit of a disappointment. Ugandans in general don't like spicy foods so it was very very mild (think ketchup). Fortunately, the guacamole was excellent (think Chipotle but better). On Saturday we decided to make "Ugandan burritos" which consisted of white rice, steamed vegetables, salsa, guacamole, and g-nut sauce all rolled into a chapati. It was pretty excellent, probably my favorite meal in Uganda.

Another fun fact about this weekend was that I had the most amazing shower. I'm serious. It probably made my top 5 list for the weekend. I know that back in the U.S. I take showers for granted, but it was my first "real" shower (there was running water, a shower head, and warm water!) since London (5 and half weeks ago). I had forgotten how glorious they are. And for a few hours at least, I was actually clean...

In other news, my work at Skills Plus is progressing but power continues to be a problem. We have been without power for a week (since last Monday, the 14th) and have had no power for 11 of the 21 days I have been at for work. It has become slightly absurd as most days (like today) the businesses across the street (perhaps 100 meters away) will have power while we still do not. The location of our building is partly to blame (it is on a different power line) but I think its clear Bugembe/Uganda needs a better electricity company. From everything I can tell, electricity used to be provided by the federal government but due to US/IMF pressures (among others) Uganda privatized the industry in the 1990s. However, they did not privatize it very well as after privatization only one large electricity company emerged with virtually no competition. They own a virtual monopoly on the Ugandan market and its services are pretty bad as a result.
It's probably a bit more complex than this simple portrait but it's all I've been able to piece together thus far.

Sorry if this post wasn't very funny. It's hard to top the green men story....

Green Men?

I learned something very interesting today. Apparently, there are green men living in the United States that originally came from Mars and are behind the advanced technology of our country. They are difficult to see but they work diligently underground with U.S. and Israeli officials to develop these technologies.

Did something happen in the last five weeks that I should know about?

Anyways, the person telling me this "truth" was not some random stranger but the leading financier of my organization, a local politician, and the deputy headmaster (deputy principal) of a local secondary school. He was also the man who invited me to the Introduction Ceremony last weekend. He cited reading several article from a reliable magazine (the name slipped his mind) and he confidently assured me that one of his friends had checked the internet and confirmed that the story was true. The people sitting around the lunch table also seemed familiar with this fact.

He gave me the strangest of looks when I told him I'd never heard of the story. I think he now believes that I'm not very knowledgeable about my own country. Imagine! There are green people living in your country and you don't know! Poor soul, that Mzungu...

When I tried to gently convince him that not everything on the internet is true (check the source) and that there are no green men (i think) in the U.S. , he waved away my answers convinced of the truth within his mind. It was one of those situations where in the moment I ask myself,"is this really happening?"

I have a favor to ask. If anyone can find an article or website online that supports this claim could you please pass it along? I would appreciate it much.

Pool update: I won 4 games yesterday and lost 2. Caesar and I will trade off when we are winning. For example, yesterday he won 1, then I won 3, then he won 2, then I dropped the ball and lost. I really like the pool hall.

A day in Uganda

I just realized people might not know what I exactly "do" every day. Well here is a "typical" day in Uganda for Jon....

6:30-7:30 AM- Wake up under my very nice mosquito net with larger than mosquito size holes. Go Iron clothes for the day with a coal burning Iron. Take bucket shower in dark room with the only light coming from holes in the wall between the shower room and where I sleep.

7:40 AM take breakfast with Caesar. This usually G-nuts, bread, or if I'm lucky Chapati. These go with the tea (Dry or African. Dry is without milk, African is obviously with milk).

7:55 leave for work

8:15 Arrive at Skills Plus after the pleasant 20 minute walk. Admire Lake Victoria from Caesar's porch.

8:30-10:00 If power is on at work, then I work on the computer. If power is off I honestly can't do much. I try to talk to Ugandans.

10:00 Take Morning Tea (usually similar foods and tea to breakfast)

10:45-2(sometimes 3) Do random work. Sometimes talk with people. Other times go with Hakim (my supervisor) on visits to the field. I've been working on a grant proposal for a while so that has been keeping me busy. And the power has been working better of late (I think it has been out only 6 of my 16 days here, but 5 of my first 10)

2:00-3:00 Take Lunch (sometimes good:Posho with beans. Other times bad: green eggplant sauce with tiny fishes that stare at me)

3:00-5:00 usually people are visiting and I meet people from the community that Skills Plus either helps or who are financial/technical/administrative support for the organization. People love meeting and talking with Mzungu's (particularly one whose major is Political Science). Everyone seems to have an opinion on politics here.

5:00-7:00 I usually either go to town (Jinja) to meet some of the other western interns, check internet, continue talking with people, take evening tea (like breakfast and morning tea), or just read.

7:15 meet Caesar to play pool at the local pub called Silver Sands. If we play well we will leave at 9:00 or 9:30. If we play bad, we leave by 8:00-8:30.

9:30-Foot (walk) up the hill to Caesar's house.

10:00-10:30 eat supper. Matooke is a necessity. As is Envuluga sauce. And botunda. Botunda is one of their passion fruits and actually the juice is delicious. Better than any juice I've had in the U.S.

11:00-Write down random thoughts and go to bed.

I hope someone enjoyed this.

Anyways, the Introduction this past weekend was good. I was in a very rural village in the Mayuge district, right by Lake Victoria. The area we were in was surrounded on three sides by the Lake. (Peninsula, anyone?) Anyways, people there were literally shocked to see a mzungu. As in so shocked that almost no one chanted Mzungu. Instead they just would stop what they were doing and stare. I sat in a chair to talk with one of the Ugandans I knew and a literal circle of little kids surrounded us until some adult shooed them away. Also when I walked down to the lake, literally 15 kids tried to mob me.

Overall, the ceremony was interesting. I bought a traditional Ugandan ceremony garment called a Kanzu. It it a long white robe looking thing and I wore a suit coat to go with it. People thought it was hilarious and commented that "Mzungu is very smart" (well dressed) and that I "looked like Jesus".

After the ceremony we had the classy beverages of Coke, Sprite, and Fanta to celebrate (I will never understand how these are "classy" drinks here. People usually only drink them at graduations, introductions, or other celebrations)

Also, today a man wanted to name the secondary school he was building after me. I tried to convince him otherwise but he seemed pretty sincere. I don't know if he thought this would irrevocably tie me to the school and force me to support it or if he just really liked me...

Kale Ssebo...

This is usually my response when I have no idea what someone is saying to me. It means: "It's ok Sir". It basically means I agree with what they are saying even though I usually have no idea.

So far I've been able to visit the homes of two of the other interns. Their families are pretty sweet, but no one else's host father plays pool every night...

Lisa's Uncle is probably the best educated Ugandan I have meet. He studied at the University of Edinburgh in the U.K. and speaks like he is lecturing a university class. I dubbed him "the professor" in my mind. Anyways we had a two hour conversation about politics and I think he was doing 90% of the talking. Apparently he liked our conversation because Lisa was telling me that he wants to buy me a radio so we can listen to political talk shows together...

Erica's house is very very nice. Electricity, indoor plumbing, running water, a big (Ugandan relative) tv, and nice couches. I went over there with some of the other interns and we watched the Bourne Identity yesterday. I almost forgot we were in Uganda until the electricity cut out towards the climax of the film. Ah, reality sometimes jumps out and bites you.

Awkward questions seem rampant and growing. Yesterday, an old lady after introducing me to her daughter asked me: "Are you married". Subtlety is not a strong suit in Uganda. Also, I've learned that the easiest joke I can tell is to say to someone that I am the youngest in my family. They seem to think this is hilarious and always laugh uncontrollably. I haven't yet gotten someone to explain why.

I'm going to buy a Kanzu today for a wedding introduction on Saturday. Should be sweet.

Is Ohio really hotter than Uganda?

I'm pretty sure the answer is yes - right now at least. But no one here seems to believe me. When I try to argue they seem to just roll their eyes and ignore the poor confused Mzungu. But I swear its true. In the sun it might hit 85 here and in the shade it can't be any hotter than 75. At night I swear its in the low 60s if not high 50s. My room here is cool enough that I have not only sheets but a blanket as well.

Good news at the pool hall. After usually getting beaten badly (I think I won 4 times over the first two weeks and probably lost 9 or 10) I broke through yesterday winning 5 games until I finally lost. My best performance by far. I'm improving, which is good.

Also, have I mentioned that I have earthen floors in my home? Well, I do. And they are actually pretty sweet at times. Washing my face has never been so much fun. Why go to a sink when you can sit in your room and wash your face there. And showers? Who needs a bathroom when you can shower in any room? (I use our shower room. But I could just shower in my room if I wanted...)

A little girl on the bus the other was fascinated with my arm. At first I thought it was my white skin but her father told me she was fascinated by the hair. Apparently Ugandans (even men) don't have much if any hair on their arms. Another baby was fascinated by my beard and kept trying to hang from it.

O, I haven't shaved since June 9th. But it's ok because there isn't a mirror in my house. I usually will go 5-6 days without seeing my reflection, which is probably ok. Wanting to know what I looked like, the other day I took a picture of myself and then zoomed in on the photo to see.

I attended Caesar's sister's gradation last Saturday. It was all in Lusoga but they were blaring U.S. music before and after from two large speakers hooked up to a computer. Mixing bad boyband pop music (I swear I heard backstreet boys. not that I would recognize them...) with rap. Hearing 50 cent cursing loudly at a graduation ceremony in Ugandan was slightly hilarious. Also, I got the opportunity to address all the guests (apparently it is traditional to allow guests to speak) so I impressed them with a handful of the lusoga words I know. They enjoyed my effort but then Caesar has to shoot me down and inform me that I had mixed a Lugandan word with my Lusoga greeting. It's ok. I got him back by beating him in pool yesterday.

I'm learning to iron my clothes to prevent Mango Fly episode number 2. It's going well, I'm using a hot coal heated iron. Matooke with envuluga is getting a bit old.

Viva Obama!

When I'm meeting new people (which is often) and I struggle at thinking of topics to talk about, I have discovered an easy way to talk forever: mention Obama. People here love him like a son and he has become an almost myth-like figure. People confidently tell me that he's "an African" and "one of us" despite his white mother and the fact he grew up in Indonesia and Hawaii (both of which are certainly not Uganda).

Anyways, there are numerous funny stories concerning Obama, but I thought this one was good. Last weekend I was attending a function for my organization and there were a handful of local politicians bumming about, smooching with the locals. One approached me (he is a candidate for mayor) and we starting talking. Of course Obama came up in our conversation and the man asked me why I supported him. I started explaining about Obama's work for the poor as a community organizer, that I tend to lean democratic in my politics, and that he an inspirational figure. The man stopped me halfway through, pulled our his phone, turned on its video setting, and then asked me to begin again. He went on to record my longer-than-necessary answer to his question.

Why he wanted a videotape of some Mzungu he had never met and will never meet again I don't know. But I imagine it was fun for him to have a videotape of a "real American" saying why he supported Obama.

Another thing that has surprised me (although it probably shouldn't have) is how Ugandan English is different from U.S. English. For example, here, my home state is not pronounced "O-HI-O" but rather "O-HE-O". Luganda pronounces the letters "h-i" as "he". So if I say I'm from O-hi-o people look confused. But if I say O-he-o, they understand.

Also, the way Ugandans eat reminds me of Hobbits. Every day I have breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, and then supper. The food tastes good (for the most part. I'm not a fan of eggplant with fish that still are staring at you) but in quantities that just are not possible to eat. Over the past few weeks I have learned that it is just not possible for me to clean my plate (meanwhile, i get to watch Ugandans around me devour everything in sight...) The Ugandans always laugh, but they seem to accept that I'm a Mzungu and can't eat as much

My organization is very kind to me and I don't think they see the irony of this but there is this nice plastic porch-table type chair that they always bring out for me to sit in. Nice of them to do, but it happens to be the only white object among their many stools, benches, and chairs. Giving the white guy a white chair to sit in? Sometimes I wonder if it is as funny to them as it is to me...

Today Ivy waved to me when I left the house. She has come a long way from screaming bloody murder when I arrived.

A 6 foot long tree branch fell today during lunch, crushing my neighbors food. Because it was a bowl of not too tasty green eggplant sauce with fishes with beady eyes I was a bit disappointed it didn't land in mine...

I think I will go try to catch some pool with Caesar. Sula Bulunge!